I hate the holidays
It's official. I truly can't stand the holidays. Especially now that I away from everything and everyone that I love. It feels like I start getting cranky around September; and it doesn't pass until January 1st. Dunno if it's being apart from the family/friends, being constantly broke, or just it being a little bit colder...maybe a combination of all of the above. But I have definitely decided 3 things
1: Holidays are not for single people. I truly HATE being alone on the holidays. There is nothing to make you feel more pitiful than to see everyone all coupled up and/or making holiday plans, fighting over whose family they will visit...when you have absolutely nobody in your life; even worse when you have a " it's complicated" kind of situation and there is nothing else to call it. I am determined that one year..just one..I am going to be in some overwhelmingly, goofy happy, can't bear to be out of each other's sight kind of relationship. Until then..it's me and my lonesome. Damn, even typing that sounded pitiful. Don't get me wrong either..normally, I am just fine with being single..love it a lot of the time. But at the Holidays..it's just lonely.
2: Holidays are not for the financially challenged, struggling, poor, broke, etc. They just aren't. I would LOVE to shower my loved ones with gifts, but honestly..when I am trying to figure out how to find grocery money or praying that the bank will overdraft my acct rather than bounce this rent check because I had to dip into it for car fare and groceries..shopping sprees really sorta fall to the end of my importance line. It was almost a relief to be down in SC last Christmas, because although my family and friends are not the type to ever expect anything...they all tend to spoil me and my children..which then makes me feel like I HAVE to reciprocate. And believe me when I say...they will tell me in a heartbeat NOT to buy anything..but you know how that is. Last Christmas, I was so miserable that I spent the day in bed, alternating between just being angry at life, being sad and crying..and tuning out everybody and everything. Terrible day for the girls. (for the record, I REFUSE to allow that negativity into my life this year)
3: Well, I forgot what #3 was supposed to be, but I'm sure it was deep, lol. I got so wound up in my pity party that now the rest of my train of thought is gone.
Yes, I'm aware that this is not my usual chipper little blog. I already know I won't even notify my few little followers that I updated. It was more some things that I needed to release, rather than wanting to share. I'm okay, just in a funky kinda space because of the holidays. Have no fear, 18 more days until Christmas and then literally..I will be fine by December 26th. It's like a weight is lifted once I am finally past it. So be patient with me world. Try to look past the scowl on my face and the tears that seem so close to falling. They are only temporary. I guess til then...uhh Happy Holidays?
1: Holidays are not for single people. I truly HATE being alone on the holidays. There is nothing to make you feel more pitiful than to see everyone all coupled up and/or making holiday plans, fighting over whose family they will visit...when you have absolutely nobody in your life; even worse when you have a " it's complicated" kind of situation and there is nothing else to call it. I am determined that one year..just one..I am going to be in some overwhelmingly, goofy happy, can't bear to be out of each other's sight kind of relationship. Until then..it's me and my lonesome. Damn, even typing that sounded pitiful. Don't get me wrong either..normally, I am just fine with being single..love it a lot of the time. But at the Holidays..it's just lonely.
2: Holidays are not for the financially challenged, struggling, poor, broke, etc. They just aren't. I would LOVE to shower my loved ones with gifts, but honestly..when I am trying to figure out how to find grocery money or praying that the bank will overdraft my acct rather than bounce this rent check because I had to dip into it for car fare and groceries..shopping sprees really sorta fall to the end of my importance line. It was almost a relief to be down in SC last Christmas, because although my family and friends are not the type to ever expect anything...they all tend to spoil me and my children..which then makes me feel like I HAVE to reciprocate. And believe me when I say...they will tell me in a heartbeat NOT to buy anything..but you know how that is. Last Christmas, I was so miserable that I spent the day in bed, alternating between just being angry at life, being sad and crying..and tuning out everybody and everything. Terrible day for the girls. (for the record, I REFUSE to allow that negativity into my life this year)
3: Well, I forgot what #3 was supposed to be, but I'm sure it was deep, lol. I got so wound up in my pity party that now the rest of my train of thought is gone.
Yes, I'm aware that this is not my usual chipper little blog. I already know I won't even notify my few little followers that I updated. It was more some things that I needed to release, rather than wanting to share. I'm okay, just in a funky kinda space because of the holidays. Have no fear, 18 more days until Christmas and then literally..I will be fine by December 26th. It's like a weight is lifted once I am finally past it. So be patient with me world. Try to look past the scowl on my face and the tears that seem so close to falling. They are only temporary. I guess til then...uhh Happy Holidays?